By Anthony M. Wanjohi
1.0 Introduction
Self-esteem is a term used in psychology to reflect a person's
overall emotional evaluation of his or her own worth. It is a judgment of
oneself as well as an attitude toward the self. Self-esteem encompasses beliefs
and emotions such as triumph, despair, pride and shame (Levant, 2010).
Smith and Mackie (2010) define it by saying that the self-concept
is what we think about the self; self-esteem is the positive or negative
evaluations of the self, as in how we feel about it. Self-esteem is also known
as the evaluative dimension of the self that includes feelings of worthiness,
prides and discouragement (Hewitt, 2009).
Hewitt (2009) observes that high self-esteem in children is
therefore the degree to which children feel accepted and valued by adults and peers
who are important to them. The development of a sense of self is very complex.
It is devel oped from
within a person and shaped as well by the people around them (Katz, 1995).
Pomerantz (1995) observes that one's high
self-esteem is also closely associated with self-consciousness that comes from
feeling that one as a Being have value, that one is important, and that his/her
rights and needs are important. Self esteem is the core of who a person
believes him/herself to be, the essence of his/her perception of self (Hewitt,
2009). This paper seeks to explore on the importance of high self-esteem and
ways of building it to children.
2.0 Importance of High Self-Esteem on Children
High self-esteem isn't like a cool pair of sneakers one really
wants but can wait until his/her next birthday to get. All kids have
self-esteem, and having healthy or positive self-esteem is really important.
This section provides a discussion on the importance of high self-esteem on
children as follows;
2.1 High self esteem and courage
High Self-esteem gives children the courage to try new things and
the power to believe in themselves. It lets a child respect him/herself, even
when he/she makes mistakes.
Pomerantz (1995) observes that courage is closely
connected to high self esteem whereby if children have a high level of self
esteem, they can usually find the courage and inner strength they need to take
charge of their own life, to stand up for their rights, and to do what is
right.
This is what allows them to claim their basic human rights as a
person. Claiming their rights includes being able to stand up to people who try
to take away their rights, either by force or intimidation, or by manipulation,
or by trying to hinder them in choosing their own direction in life. A high
level of self esteem also gives children the courage to act on their
convictions to take risks when appropriate, to be decisive when necessary, and
to focus or concentrate in order to get something done (Levant, 2010).
Coopersmith (1967) reports that having positive high
self-esteem can also help children learn how to make healthy choices about
their mind and body. If children think they are important,
they will be less likely to follow the crowd if their friends are doing
something wrong or dangerous.
Butler (1998) Indicates that confidence can help children to take
on the world with more energy and determination, resulting in better
relationships, quality work and a feeling of being connected with their surroundings.
Self-confident children usually can influence others more easily, as well as
control their own emotions and behaviors more responsibly. A positive attitude
results from feeling good about themselves and knowing that thier place in the world is important and meaningful (Coopersmith, 1967).
Levant (2010) observes that children e who have high self-esteem
are more relaxed in social settings and when meeting new people. Because their
belief in themselves is internal and not reliant on the judgment of others,
they can freely move about without fear of rejection. According to the Kid’s
Health (2012), high self-esteem breeds a high level of comfort when facing new
challenges. Coopersmith (1967)
indicates that high self-esteem
children typically are more enthusiastic about the future and convey that
excitement to others through their walk, how they hold themselves and how they
converse. The positive energy projected by confident people is contagious and
attractive to others (Butler, 1998).
According to the Kid’s Health (2012), high self-esteem and
confidence are indicators of good mental health to children. Building
self-esteem begins in childhood when parents can help to build the confident
character of their children. Children growing up with confidence in their own
abilities tend to do better in school, take better care of themselves than
their peers with low self-confidence levels, and excel in sports and
socialization. Teens with self-confidence are better able to withstand peer
pressure and to make decisions with their own best interests in mind (Pomerantz, 1995).
2.5 Enhancement on academic achievement
Daniel (2011) indicates that high self-esteem leads to
improvements in achievement since high achievement
may be realized through high expectations and high self-esteem. The optimal
learning state is not necessarily one of low self-esteem, where issues of
anxiety, resistance or avoidance may arise, or one of very high self-esteem,
where issues of apathy and false-confidence may arise, but one of an optimal
level of self-esteem (Levant, 2010). Such an optimum, of course, may be student
and task specific, such that considerations need to be given to the student
temperament as well as prior experience in related task areas (Daniel, 2011).
3.0 Building high self-esteem in children
To build high self-esteem is to increase the capacity to be happy;
self-esteem may make people convinced they deserve happiness. Understanding
this is fundamental, and universally beneficial, since the development of high
self-esteem increases the capacity to treat other people with respect,
benevolence and goodwill, thus favoring rich interpersonal relationships and
avoiding destructive ones (Daniel, 2011). This section explores on the ways of
building high self-esteem on children as they are discussed below;
Butler (1998) urges that one should always focus on the good
things that your child does. Of course you cannot ignore
misbehavior, but you want to focus your attention on the good
behavior. the more you do this, the
more often your child will behave. Children do what gets them the
most attention (Hewitt, 2009). This is especially wonderful if it can be done
within ear-shot of your little one! By focusing on the positive
things your children do and sharing this with others, it will be easier for you
to see the good in them while also building their own treasure chest of success
(Coopersmith, 1967).
Crocker (2002) observes that a kid's family and other people in
his or her life like coaches, teachers, and classmates also can boost
self-esteem. They can help a kid figure out how to do things or notice his or
her good qualities. Coopersmith (1967) states that they can believe in the kid and encourage
him or her to try again when something doesn't go right the first time. It's
all part of kids learning to see themselves in a positive way, to feel proud of
what they've done, and to be confident that there's a lot more they can do.
3.2 Communicating with children without criticizing them
Greenberg (2008) states that when children tell a person anything
about how they feel, one has to treasure this for every moment that
he/she can while keeping in mind that if he/she criticizes any aspect of their
feelings, they will shut down and refrain from sharing their inner most
thoughts with him/her in the future (Daniel, 2011).
Thorne (1996)indicates that one has
to avoid criticism that takes the form of ridicule or shame. Sometimes it is
necessary to criticize a child’s actions, and it is appropriate that parents do
so. When, however the criticism is directed to the child as a person it can
easily deteriorate into ridicule or shame. It is important to learn to use I
statements rather than You statements when
giving criticism (Butler, 1998).
3.3 Developing a sense of trust
Crocker (2002) indicates that people who care for should provide a
sense of trust that the first important stage of developing a sense of self in
children. Children must learn to trust others so they in turn can learn to
trust themselves. Adults who give warm, loving touches, cuddle their children,
and answer their calls for what they need are pro viding the essential first
ingredients to a healthy sense of self in their child–making the young one feel
wanted, valued, and loved (Daniel, 2011).
3.4 Being generous with praise
Butler (1998) indicates that one has to use what is called
descriptive praise to let your child know when they are doing something well.
You must of course become in the habit of looking for situations in which your
child is doing a good job or displaying a talent.
Pomerantz (1995) urges that when one’s children complete
a task or chore he/she could say, I really like the way you straightened your
room. You found a place for every thing and put each thing in its
place hence raising their self-esteem.
Hewitt (2009) urges that when one observes them showing a talent
you might say, “That last piece you played was great. He/she really have a lot
of musical talent. Don’t be afraid to give praise often even in front of family
or friends. Also, use praise to point out positive character traits. For
instance, “You are a very kind person.” Or, “I like the way you stick with
things you do even when it seems hard to do.” One can even praise a child for
something he did not do such as “I really liked how you accepted my answer of
‘no’ and didn’t lose your temper (Greenberg, 2008).
3.4 Teaching children to practice making positive self-statements
Greenberg (2008) indicates that self-talk is very important in
everything people do and the psychologists have found that negative self-talk
is behind depression and anxiety.
Thorne (1996) states that what people think determines how
they feel and how they feel determines how they behave and therefore, it is
important to teach children to be positive about how they talk to themselves. Pomerantz (1995) states that one’s child can become an
expert at this by listening to Self-Image for Children icon which combines
relaxation techniques along with positive self-statements and mental pictures
to help kids and teens develop their self-esteem.
Self-esteem refers to how children feel about themselves and
expect to be accepted and valued by others who are important to them. Because
it is important for them to feel accepted, a healthy sense of self is crucial
for determining how they will approach life and interact with others.
Self-esteem represents an individual’s need to belong and feel loved
unconditionally; it is not just a happy positive idea about oneself, but rather
a reflection of one’s character and self-respect. It is assessed by an
individual’s ability to handle life situations and tasks and is interpreted by
the individual from feedback received from others. For example, if children
believe they are good readers, they will look for opportunities to improve and
increase their reading skills; however, if they believe they have difficulties
with reading, they will likely avoid tasks associated with reading and give up
more easily when they are required to read. Self-esteem has many aspects and
develops within the context of a child’s evolving sense of identity and the
ever-changing life tasks and challenges he faces.
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Hewitt,
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Suggested Citation in
APA
Wanjohi,
A.M.(2010). High self-esteem
in children.KENPRO
Publications. Available online at http://www.kenpro.org/papers/highself-esteem-in-children.htm
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